I remember how I always heard second semester was so much easier and less stressful. I’m still debating if I agree with that. I would agree that it is less stressful in the fact that I’ve mastered how to prioritize and manage my time well enough to not have to arrive at school at 6:30 every morning. I’m also able to get through full lessons 95% of the time versus about 50% of the time last semester. However, the joy and happiness that my job brings me has in fact greatly decreased compared to first semester.
Everyday I in fact question what exactly I am doing. Somehow my classroom management has gone down the drain. I’m not doing nearly enough to push the thinking and progress of my highest students. My dual-role as a special education teacher has taken a back seat so now my special ed students are suffering and not receiving all the support they both need and deserve. And in addition, I feel as if my small school leader thinks I’m incompetent. I was nicely “demoted” to teach only one class and during that one class my boss will co-teach with me. This came about after the most recent Benchmark test in which my kids did not score well, but neither did the other 5th graders across New Orleans. Everyday I am more and more sure that after my two-year commitment I’m going to go back and get my MBA rather than a Masters in Education. The thought of it makes me sad because I was pretty sure I wanted to remain in education.